Get on the elevator, stand in awkward silence with others that seem to be bracing themselves for a day in a box.  It is a monochromatic landscape despite the fuschia colored orchids in the lobby, the kind of environment that one wants to scream in or do something entirely inappropriate just to see if anyone has pulse enough to respond.  Do other people have such thoughts?  The spirit in me feels blindfolded and abducted, and the rebel looks for every opportunity to enter into the revolving door that leads to my other world.  How did I land here?

I file leases into perfect numerical order, according to range and township.  My mind adjusts to a new environment to work repetitive and numbing.  The copy machine, a marvel of technological wonder creates one perfect duplicate after another that I staple and stack into manila folders.  Time seems to move in slow motion, nine to five.  Stacks of paper, each one a lesson in Latin look pale under fluorescent lighting. My mind tires, my body longs to move, I wrestle with boredom and tedium in equal measure.  The more I wish I were anywhere else the more misery I create for myself. While I am here pondering my new existence, earthquakes shake the planet, people die in a swift moment without warning, pain and suffering erupts globally.  Impermanence, it is the one certainty.

Admittedly my most recent employment has felt imposed not organic, foreign not familiar, contrary to my nature not nourishing. I  have struggled to find meaning and purpose in this twist of fate. Every imaginable emotion has surged through my body, anger, frustration, relief, failure, immeasurable gratitude, and even despair. Was I ‘selling out’, giving up on the most passionate work of my life, was accepting this position a sign of resignation and defeat, or simply an act of self preservation?  My mind in it’s ‘fight or flight mode’ was fatalistically preoccupied with trying to interpret my latest set of circumstances. Self inquiry.  Who is creating this suffering, who feels defeated and valueless?  EGO. I wake up, and all of the noise of my fretful chaotic mind dissolves.  Simple awareness.

For the past three decades I have served the world through a livelihood that is consistent with who I am and what I value; serving humanity by awakening consciousness.  My path has allowed me to express my innate skills and abilities and has nourished my heart and soul.  I have never seen work as a ‘means to an end,’ as something one does simply to get from one day to the next.  I think of work as vocation, a true calling.  This calling comes from deep within our being, from a ‘knowing’ and longing that seeks to fulfill itself. My commitment to this inner knowing has been absolute, my faith and dedication unwavering. There has been no greater singular priority in my life than to honor that internal truth and to integrate it into my life.

‘Knowing’ has not led me to my current position, necessity has.  Perhaps this is the real reason behind my rebellion, on some level I felt I had no other choice.  After months of trying to find work I was more financially desperate than I have ever been. Normally I would consider having work when I needed it grace, but given the nature of the work it has felt more like penance.  For years I have had the luxury of determining the choreography of my days, of  choosing how I would spend my time and focus my energy.  There was an organic and natural flow that was completely  influenced by my own internal rhythm and directive.  There was space for spontaneity, freedom and magic.  Is there now?

Making peace with where I am has proven to be a greater challenge than I could have ever imagined. Embracing my situation has taken conscious effort, time, and a willingness to suspend my perception of how things should be. Apparently my work isn’t limited to specific environments, to spiritual communities, yoga studio’s, satsang audiences, and private students. Experience tells me that nothing in life is without purpose, value or meaning. I am where I am for a reason and rejecting ‘what is,’ only deepens the chasm between myself and the truth that is emerging. When I wake up, settle into the present, into my body, it’s enough, more than enough to be exactly where I am.

As soon as I let go of my judgement, my resistance and rebellion a beautiful thing happened… I was able to help one of my co-worker’s with his fear of flying, lend an open heart to someone who needed to cry, and offer a ‘listening presence’ to someone in need. I may have the opportunity to offer meditation in my workplace as part of a well being initiative. I get out of the way, I let go. I free fall into surrender, to the magnetic pull of the compass that lies at the center of my Soul.  I let go of my critical mind, of my attachment, and I bow once again to the mystery that propels my life and keeps me ever on my toes.

still evolving,

Santidevi

At any moment you can shift your state of being. At any moment you can let go and be free and feel joy and come alive

The thing you can do is to be present. If you are being present you are missing nothing.

When your mind is distracted by worry, there is an absence…the absence is you.

Worry is simply a symptom of not being fully present, because when you are fully present all of that worry ceases. In part because when you are present, anything and everything you need is accessible to you. Your creativity is accessible to you.

Only the relaxed mind can be a creative mind, a peaceful mind.

So use the worry as an opportunity to awaken you to the moment. Worry is just an indicator of your absence, your distraction. 

Further, it is an absorption in the maya, in illusion.

Because if we really look at it, worry is an emotion – an energy. Energy is mutable. so at any moment you can wake up, be aware of that energy and transmute it. How do you transmute it? By observing it. When we observe anything it is transformed.

That’s all the effort it takes, the observing.

Observe it without judgement, without analyzing, without commentary and the worry will transform itself.

What is the opposite of worry?  It is to be at peace, which is your natural state of being. Your natural state is to be calm, to be at ease. Worry is the by-product of a restless mind. Relax the mind and the worry ceases.

This is the truth. Your body already knows this.  This is why already you feel calm. You know intuitively that you have the ability to do this..the ability to discern the truth.

So allow the transient to be transient. Don’t allow it to be solid. Don’t give energy to phenomenon that rises and dissolves. When you give it energy, you give it solidity and validity.

This comes as a result of your wanting to manipulate your experience, to  control your experience. Worry is a habit that arises from the ego wanting to control your experience…to change it.

Worry, anxiety, depression, all that these things do is distract you from the present moment. They deplete your energy. This disconnects you from the source, from your true Self. This inhibits you from responding skillfully and authentically.

Because from that place you are only reactive, not responsive.

At any moment you can shift your state of being. At any moment you can completely let go of that worry and be free and feel joy and come alive.

santidevi

Thoughts create your emotional experience.  Whatever you think produces a physiological as well as an emotional response.  Thought creates form. Whatever you think you become. Thoughts and emotions are not powerful in and of themselves but  become so when you invest them with identification.  You cannot have a single thought or emotion that does not effect your entire being.

Emotions are the energetic impression of your thoughts.  You are not your emotions.  Emotions are a transient phenomenon that arises as a byproduct of your thinking process.  There is a direct correlation between their duration and your willingness to empower them.  By identifying yourself with your emotional condition you authorize and surrender your authority and self control.   This is why extreme emotional responses lead to feelings of helpless and paralysis.  Whatever you identify with you become energetically bound to. 

Experiment with this by observing how your state of mind effects your emotional experience.  Begin by thinking of something that is sorrowful or distressing.  Allow yourself to completely identify with what your thinking. What arises in the body, how do you respond emotionally?  What happens to the breath, to your heart rate?  Just notice with your “witnessing consciousness.” Now let it go. Now think of something that is joyful or pleasing.  Once again focus all of your awareness and intention on  that thought.  What sensations emerge, how does your body feel?  How has the breath changed?  

Be aware of  the direct relationship of  the mind and the emotions.  By simply observing your thoughts without attachment you can reside in the spaciousness of equanimity. The next time you find yourself in an emotional state bring your awareness to the condition and become the “observer.” Watch with detachment and non-judgement.  Stay connected to your breath and stay absolutely present to the experience.  This practice will allow you to begin to discern the real from the unreal.  The transient from the eternal.

Om,

Santi Devi

Our world is evolving.  The recent global economic challenges have inspired anxiety and fear.  Our standard of living and way of life feels threatened.  What was once appeared dependable and immune to loss has fallen.  We feel overwhelmed and helpless, our very survival feels compromised. The illusory nature of the temporal world has revealed itself.  What appears as real one moment disappears the next, thus is the nature of Maya.    

The Ego is intolerant of anything that creates a sense of vulnerability.  It readily enlists fear, intimidation, ultimatums, anxiety and depression as the means to control our thoughts and behavior.  It seeks to dominant our experience, as well as destroy our sovereignty.  We avoid fear at all cost so we allow the Ego to persecute us into submission.  What happens when we stop fearing the fear?  When fear is no longer resisted, when we actually allow it to be, something quite miraculous occurs…

Fear is a great ally in Awakening, it is the tool of liberation.  For when we bow to our fear, when we surrender to the unknown that is life, we are no longer trying to escape.  We don’t have to because we are not bound.  When we realize this, the Ego loses its power to seize control of our Being.  We become Fearless! 

As institutions, governments, corporations, political figures and economies rise and fall, do not judge, analyze or anticipate the outcome.  No assessment or commentary is valuable or necessary.  Accept what Is.  We do this by being receptive to life, by receiving all that we experience with equanimity.   Abide in a state of non-resistance.  In doing so, you will align yourself with the flow of the Divine.

The only constant in the universe is change.  

What is of this world is subject to the cycles of nature.  The tree comes forth from the seed, the seed bears fruit that ripens, it eventually falls to the ground and decays. Why?  For it has fulfilled its purpose.  Why mourn, why fear?  As the fruit lies rotting, it enriches the soil from which the seed will root and grow. Do not attach yourself to the ebb and flow of cyclical phenomenon. Go within and be still.  Contemplate, what is enduring and what is subject to change?

 In the midst of the movement of the Creative be silent. Watch the dance of the Divine as it transforms energy into form.  Observe how one begets the other.   

When we observe this process, it is Inspiring because we see the providence of Divine intelligence expressing itself.  This Consciousness is Purposeful!  That is its inherent nature.  It is bountiful, abundant, infinitely compassionate and unfailing in its ability to nourish life!  What may look like the end is merely the beginning.  From the perspective of the Absolute, the beginning and end is nonexistent for it is only the One.  

Therefore, do not fear but rejoice!  Shed your uncertainty and anxiety!  Reside in the moment, in the Truth!  You are not bound, you needn’t suffer.  Suffering is an absence of Consciousness.  When we are aware of our Immortal and Sacred nature suffering ceases and life becomes meaningful.

See the beauty and the blessing that these times bestow.  See each and every experience as a gift from the Source of your own true Being!  It is intended to Awaken you, to foster trust and faith in yourself and in the Grace that is Life.  

Now sit quietly and observe your breath, until it becomes natural and rhythmic.  Abide in the Silence.  Let that Silence become the spaciousness of your experience.  Whatever arises is absorbed in the spaciousness of your Being.  No resistance, no effort, no will, no judgement.  Be where you are.  Repeat within, I Am Divine, I Am Divine, I Am Divine.  

Om Shanti, Shanti, Shantihi,

Santi Devi