Here I am.  Stripped of all of my roles, anonymous and unclothed.  It is a strange freedom that is both terrifying to the marrow and as seductive as new love.  The canvas is stark and white and waiting.  I hesitate.  I listen.  The noise of my mind rushes in to fill the gap, to ease the silence.  But I am at home in not knowing, living with ambiguity has become a blessing. The doors are open and the dark beasts roam freely.  We dine in open air splendor without a care.  What was once hidden in the black of the abyss becomes seen in the light of day. How long I have waited for such a stripping of myself, of the holy layers of my human life?  This intimacy is succulent and ripe.  Surrender.  What will be left after the splay?  Oh so many deaths has this one life been.

The wheel is turning and I am still.  All of the attachments, identifications, and inflation are fed to the flames of the eternal pyre.  There is no knowing left, no fixed constellation of Self. I navigate by intuition, leaving behind all of the volumes of ‘ what to do now.’

My historical self as fictional as any notion of separation. The moment holds no then, or when, or even why.  This is the terror that the sleeping face and deny.  Swallowed by the embrace of mortality, of the fleeting truth of I.  Even the solid is on closer look a dance of space and molecules.

I wash the dishes and sweep the floor, make the beds, and wash the toilets.  Liberation has never been so sweet.  I am taken in and out like a long breath, like Sat Nam on a Sunday morning.  My current guru’s are new to the world and filled with wisdom and truth.  The two year old told me yesterday that my job was to “love them.”  She knows my work in the world, she knows why I came and why I stay.  To her, I am simply her Santima someone who mysteriously appears and disappears, just like we do.

This contentment fills my body until the last twelve months of my life disappears into the archives.  Without this faith that carries me across the water, I would have drowned before I ever spoke a thankful word.  My beloved how deep the well of my love, of my gratitude…

Santidevi

People from all walks of life have come to be in the presence of Sri Sri Ravi Shankar, to listen to his message of a stress free and non-violent global society. A simple man dressed with a smile, and robed in white.  He emanates a playful spirit, that is completely animated and peaceful. Sri Sri Ravi Shankar has done the seemingly impossible, uniting and awakening humanity across the planet.  He has crossed religious and cultural barriers with the open heartedness of a child and the wisdom of a saint.

I have come to meditate, to experience his divine presence.  I am unable to sit comfortably in the chair, and so I decide to go to the back of the room and sit cross legged on the floor.  I close my eyes, my breath deepens, my mind becomes spacious. I am home.  He speaks softly, his words are simple. There is a harmonious and melodic quality to his voice.  I suddenly feel the pulse quicken at my ajna chakra, my mind becomes instantaneously one pointed, the boundaries of myself dissolve into the vastness of my being, and I feel the transmission of bliss.  When my eyes open I realize that I am sitting directly in front of Sri Sri.  I smile, he smiles.

A little girl, no more than two, is dressed in kundalini white. She has a little fountain of blonde hair on the top of her head, and a box of red panda licorice in her hands.  She is behind the table next to me and is giving Daniel, an “Art of Living” teacher, a piece.  Pure love.  In my mind I say, I want a piece of licorice too!  She immediately walks around the whole length of the extended table, she has heard me! With a radiant smile she assures me that she is on her way. Her soul is shining, she looks into my eyes and  says, ” I am going to give you one.” Her perfectly tiny hands reach in, and she pulls out two.  ”I am going to give you two, she forms her fingers into a peace sign.  I cup my hands as they fall.  Then she turns around and walks back to her mother. One human being giving selflessly to another, this is seva, this is love.

Real truth is merely love, that which cannot be defined, that which is ineffable.  His holiness embodies and transmits this love with great humility, sincerity and grace. He is a uniting presence, bringing forth the innately Divine nature of humanity. Every human being longs to know, through their intimate experience, who they are. This is the yearning, the desire that is the catalyst for awakening.  Is it any wonder that we gravitate towards those who have actualized their potential, their true nature?  We refer to these people as holy because they have become the living truth, love.  There is an absence of suffering, an abiding peace and joyfulness in their being.  How is this possible?  What allows them to experience this?

Simply, they are relaxed. In relaxing we naturally enter a state of expansion and awareness, a state of receptivity and acceptance. There is a sense of spaciousness. This spaciousness accommodates whatever we experience with equanimity.  When we relax the breath we relax the body, when we relax the body we relax the mind, when we relax the mind we experience liberation.  The conditioning and habituation that normally defines our thinking, our perceptions, and our behavior is no longer predominate.  We are now able to respond to life authentically, with spontaneity and ease.  Effortlessness arises out of non-resistance. When we relax we become our natural meditative and awakened Self.

I invite you to experiment with relaxation as a means to “realization.”  Make this your everyday sadhana, and practice.  See how this affects your life.

Love,

santidevi

Babaji moves effortlessly into a seated position on his dias.  His eyes are closed.  His face serene.  He exudes the stillness of a mind that has returned to its natural state of peace.  He is simple, humble without pretense.  Being in his presence awakens and inspires Truth. The body relaxes, the breath deepens and the mind becomes receptive.  He speaks slowly.  His awareness is completely internalized. He initiates us into his Guru’s form of meditation.  It is a simple sadhana that requires nothing more then bringing awareness to ajna chakra, observing whatever arises with complete vairagya or detachment.  He reminds us that whatever thoughts arise are cleansed and purified.  

Babaji’s darshan fills our hearts.  ”Remember God.”  I bow before this great yogi this Self realized being who travels half way around the world to bring his Guru’s teachings to our hungering souls.  He fulfills his dharma through his service and we are nourished and healed.  He listens attentively to our queries and responds with patience and love.  He advises us to rectify our faults. To remove  all negativity from our minds.   

We share prasad.  He receives individuals after the formal satsang and meditation for private consult.  I attend to folding the chairs with Rekha and disassembling the room.  We work together seamlessly and by the time we are done Babaji sits alone.  I give him a wild pink rose and bow.  He gives me his blessing to fulfill my mission.  To inspire and awaken the truth to those who seek to know the true Self. Our eyes meet and there is the transmission of Divine Love.  I feel his quiet mind within my own.  His radiant heart my heart.  I pray to my beloved in gratitude for the grace that has filled my being.

santidevi