I have always believed in signs, in synchronicity and otherwise magical happenstance. Whenever I have needed direction it has always appeared in an illuminating and spontaneous way.  Lyrics to a song inspire me to take a risk, words on a billboard answer the question I have been pondering, someone gives me the very thing I have been needing most etc…  I have learned through experience, that my life is being choreographed in concert with my purpose, despite my best effort at times, to derail myself. There is a constant resonance happening between my deepest longing, and life’s desire to fulfill it.  It doesn’t require effort on my part, merely an unshakable trust, and a willingness to suspend my judgement and fear.

This is what I love most about life, it is never certain.  I know your wondering how I can possibly be sincere in this sentiment.  Understandably confusing if you have read my past few posts.  Let me clarify.  Now that I have my bearings once more, I am remembering how valuable uncertainty really is. When I am uncertain, on some level I am aware of the immense possibilities pulsing just beneath the surface.  I am no longer trapped by what I know, but freed by what I don’t.  In the face of the unknown I am asked to surrender, to have faith in the beauty and benevolence of life, in the goodness of humanity.  To let go of all preconceived notions about what is and isn’t possible in the world. To possess the qualities of a beginner’s mind.

I have never been able to determine my course, which I am sure has been an act of grace!  I am simply taken to where I am needed most. Whenever I have tried to manipulate or control the direction of my life, usually through stubborn willfulness, I am inevitably cast to and fro in a abyss of self-doubt and misery.  Exhausting and overwhelming myself in the process.  Yet when I surrender to the prevailing forces, those that are intuitively trying to lead me, a sense of calm and peace ensues.

There is an immense joy that is arising as I relax more fully into this uncertain, but amazingly adventurous life of mine. This heroine’s journey is a mapless exploration, yet I am guided in a powerful and deeply gratifying way.  I seem to know I am going in the right direction, even when I feel  hopelessly lost.  The trials and tribulations, the obstacles, and challenges continue to be the catalyst of my character development!  In the ninth hour, when all seems insanely futile, and all for naught, the miraculous happens… I find my way.

It doesn’t matter what I do to earn my living as long as I continue to be who I am, to live with a humble and grateful heart.  I have awakened once more to what is of real importance to me.  It has been my true souls desire not to be corrupted by the pain and suffering inherent in human life but to live as an embodiment of unconditional love, compassion, wisdom and truth, to remain authentic, simple and childlike in my nature.  To live according to my highest understanding.  So let the north wind blow…

santidevi

It is day 14, and my belly rumbles. I feel the gravity of my own weight, and the stillness that suspends me. A paradox. My mind is nebulous. The solidity evaporates.

Not a moment escapes me. The world has gone adrift, continents away from the air I breathe. Strange how even the most familiar objects and places seem foreign. My perceptual lens shifts. The simple becomes ever more sublime. I see through the physical into the complexity of relationship that binds us one to the other, our mortal bodies not as separate entities but as a singular expression of unity. This is my experience, vision, and what I know to be true. We are all One. In this body, heaven, and earth, find their home.

I have always felt the briefness of my own life.  The transiency of my body on this earth. This awareness has compelled me, from birth, to discover the inherent meaning and purpose of being human. This quest was only furthered by the trauma and suffering I experienced as a child. I knew that those initiatory conditions, though painful, were awakening a great compassion, a fearlessness and strength. In enduring, I found that I was resilient, in surrendering I found grace. No matter what happened to me, there was an aspect of who I was, that was incorruptible. The innocence of my being could not be destroyed. The greatness of my soul was determined to rise, to take complete possession of my worldly life.

Suffering has been a portal to my destiny. It has distilled the truth from the marrow of my bones, extracted the finest of my human qualities, and resurrected a Self that could commit to serving human beings in their darkest hours. Had it not been for the losses I experienced so early on in my life I may never have become who I Am. The truth is that I am an immortal and divine being, embodied. I was a born a bodhisattva into a world of despair. I have but one purpose for my existence, and that is to be an accessible source of redeeming peace. The divine has carried me to the most unlikely of places to be a refuge, to protect the helpless, to heal the sick, to comfort the dying, to usher in new life. In these moments I feel the presence of the numinous, my own inextinguishable light.

Every soul longs to feel their noble birth, to ascend to the greatness of their nature. It is our sole purpose to do so. Through Self- realization we express the deepest aspects of our true nature. Our innate wisdom, goodness and compassion become the wellspring of our experience. These virtues are rooted in our humanity, and meant to be intrinsic to our lives.

I awaken each and every moment to what is real within myself, to the unconditional peace and happiness that illuminates my heart, and defies all circumstance… that leads me to the very Source of life.

santidevi

Satsang

 Q.   How do we take our practice, our Sadhana into the world.

  A.  Life is the medium of your practice.  Everything that arises is a means for Awakening.  Your practice is meaningless unless it allows you to live more joyously in the world!  The goal of Sadhana is Self Realization.  What are you to Realize?  The Truth of your Being!  How?  There is but one practice to bow to the moment, to surrender to what Is, to abide in the Silence, to relax into the unknown.  Resist nothing!  The antagonizer is your liberator!  Whatever you encounter is conspiring to Awaken you to a greater Truth.  You mistakenly think that meditation is an activity and not a state of Being.  Your meditation is moment to moment Awareness!  All that you will ever need to know or to experience arises from the spaciousness of the present moment.[the field of pure Consciousness]  It is accessible to you Only when you abide where you are.   Free your mind of incessant thinking.  Be absorbed in the One.  Be in Union.  This is the Great Liberation.  The lotus flower blooming in the heart of your heart.  Surrender to the Divine, to the Self,  the great unknown.  You are the bountiful feast!    

 Q.  How does Compassion manifest?

 A.  Compassion arises spontaneously when we experience non-duality.  When we recognize, based on our own knowing that we are not separate phenomenon but a completely innerconnected expression of Consciousness.  You, as the “I” is absorbed into the One.   You see the Divine in all manifestation.  This inspires the illuminating presence of great Compassion.  The power of which renders all barriers to union illusionary.  Love is the path to Liberation.  For when we love we surrender, our individual sense of a separate self dissolves.  Our desire to serve manifests out of loving compassion for all Beings. 

Q.   When should one meditate?

 A.  The classical times for meditation are before sunrise or 6:00am, 12:00 noon and 6:00pm.  Why?  Because these are transitional periods where light and dark meet.  Therefore there is a union of opposites that takes place in a cyclical and natural way.  You are composed of these contrasting elements.  To sit in silent Awareness at these times heightens conscious perception.  The goal of meditation is to experience the Truth through the power of transcendental knowing.  To be still with ones Self, to let go of the mind, to reside naked in the moment is to make ready to recieve the Grace of your true Being.  There is nothing more to do than this.  Meditation happens spontaneously when we are present in the moment.  It is effortless, and our natural state.