The purpose of all spiritual sadhana is to experience the truth, to realize our essential nature. Where there is ambition there is attachment, where there is attachment there is illusion, where there is illusion there is suffering.

All of our thoughts, words and actions should be in accordance with Dharma{ “that which holds.” } The authentic individual naturally expresses the highest human values, their innate goodness, and compassion. Our true purpose can never be known outside of our own divinity. This knowing is not inspired by effort but by surrender. The soul is already perfected, it cannot be increased or decreased, manipulated, corrupted or destroyed. It is the imperishable and immortal aspect of our Being. As we awaken, and our conditioning no longer binds us in limitation, we are able to access the higher dimensions of our consciousness.

The fast initiated a surrender to the Divine, and a relinquishing of personal will. This was purifying on the deepest levels. In the final weeks, a one pointedness of mind arose spontaneously. I was in a continuous meditative state of consciousness. In emptying my body, the boundaries that separate the inner and the outer world dissolved. All was One. The incessant noise of the mind was silenced. In this simplicity I experienced the joy of being alive. The breath became my mantra. The luminous, unconditional love of the Divine filled my being.  I have never felt so completely real, relaxed, whole and at peace. What ever filters had obscured my seeing things just as they are, had been removed.

The beauty was overwhelming.

What I truly valued became ever more apparent. Superficial needs were exposed and eradicated. Only what was essential remained. I prayed daily for the fulfilling of my Dharma, for union with my Beloved, for the ability to serve all beings.  As I prayed I felt the loving presence of the immortal bodhisattva, Quan Yin. Her compassion and mercy filled my heart. I felt the lineage of my soul, the thread that has woven me from the same weave, one incarnation after the other. Embodied for the singular purpose of alleviating suffering through the awakening of humanity. My illuminated mind experienced the timelessness of my existence. There was no before, there is no after.

My home is not bound to place or time. Where ever I Am, I am home. I will travel to Ireland to write, to breathe the sea air, to walk in the mist. I will go to celebrate life, and pay my respects to my mystic ancestry. But I will not live far from those I love. For it is love that has led me, that by grace has liberated my soul.  It is love that has given me the power to surrender, to fulfill my calling with strength, courage and humility. My very existence is an expression of the love that the Divine has for creation. I am Love.

I listen for the quiet voice of my beloved, and I watch the leaves form eddy’s in the air. Day turns to night and the lights of the city cast halos’ on the wet cement. The coal train winds its way through slumbering high rises and vacant lots. The chill of autumn makes its breath visible. I am alive, and I am awake.

I appreciate the loving support you have all have given me throughout my fast. I thank each and every one of you for your thoughts and prayers. Your company was a constant source of strength and nourishment. May your true Self be known to you, may you be at peace.

love,

santidevi

I am filled with a holy emptiness, fed by the unseen.  The hunger of my belly wanes. It is day 9, and I slept at last, all night.  In meditation the practice reveals itself. Inhaling the suffering and pain in the world, exhaling love and compassion.  Breathe in, breathe out. The observer, my sentinel is ever present. I am at One. I surrender fully to my Beloved, to the lotus feet of my sat guru, my true and essential nature. Communion.

My awareness becomes more subtle, my energy more enduring.  My mind giving way to gaps of nothingness.  I feel the natural world in every cell of my body.  As I walk the river with my Sara, the light on the water becomes the light in her eyes. The underlying patterns of relationship reveal themselves. I experience the composition of vibration that creates all worldly form. I am a child in wonder of existence.

I find my rhythm in this alchemical body.  I feel the elemental forces silently at work within me. Earth, wind, fire, water, and ether. Together they create this divine vessel.  In the midst of their transformative chemistry, I sit crossed legged, eyes closed, in the heart of my heart. I work with my medicines from the plant and mineral kingdoms, the animal totems, that have seen me through the most arduous of physical and emotional challenges.  They carry me.

There is a stillness within me that is unchanging, a peace that is ever present.  I hear, like a mantra, the beating of my own heart. I know that seeds are being planted in the darkness of my womb.  These seeds are a portal to a life that is awaiting.  I can see images faint and fleeting of traveling to distant lands… My vows are to serve all of humanity, to awaken divine consciousness, and create peace.  I know that this process is an initiation, an ever deeper distilling of my own Being.  I trust in this.

I walk with all of those who have gone before me, who have fasted, prayed, and meditated for the benefit of humanity.  I take refuge in these great souls who knew that nothing is a sacrifice when it is a holy decree.  I weep at the beauty and grace that has been my life.  I am eternally grateful for all of the experiences that have illuminated the truth of my indwelling divinity.  That have brought me to this moment of consecration.

My beloved,

Lead me from the unreal to the real,

from darkness to light, from death to

immortality.

Om, santi, santi, santihi

santidevi